The day it all went down...

It was a sunny Friday night, the kids and I were outside waiting on Scott to get home. We were all going to go out to eat. Scott got home late that night. It was the last nice day for a while. His argument was that there was going to be rain for the next several days. He was so excited to go for a "ride". He told me he was going to go up to the church to ride around and get the feel for it. He said I promise I will only be gone for 20 mins. To any of you that knew him, you knew that he was always late. I told him his 20 mins. was 3 hours. Little did I know it was going to be a life time. So he gave me a kiss and told me he loved me and left.

It was about an hour later that I heard sirens. I didn't think anything about it until my neighbor's son told Connor that there was a motorcycle reck. I still didn't panic. I loaded all of the kids into the car and headed out looking for him. I went to the church and to Tammy and Scott's house to see if he was there. Then I went down 215 hwy toward 13. I topped the hill to see all of the emergency response teams. As I got closer I saw my in-laws. Scott's sister and her husband. I knew something was not right. He came to my window and gave me the hard truth. Scott was gone. My kids heard the news. They instantly started crying. I know that the younger ones had no clue, but because the older ones were they were. I then pulled over.

I got my kids out of the truck. I got them in front of me and I got on one knee. I looked at them and said lets pray. I remember praying for wisdom and a peace. I asked the Lord to lead, guide and direct my/our every move. We said AMEN. I told the kids that daddy got to go home to be with the Lord. I told them his work was done here on earth. Daddy had told everyone that he was suppose to about Jesus. That is why he got to go home. And that one day when we tell everyone that we were suppose to, we would get to go home. It was then, I told them that we were going to have to fight for who Jesus is and who daddy was. We were in for the fight of our lives.

Let's jump to going home afterwards. Man that was hard. I didn't want to go inside. I sat outside in my driveway. There were several people there. I felt so blessed that they were all there. I remember lifting my hands and surrendering my life to the Lord. I asked him to use me for His glory. Even with all of the people there, I still felt like it was just me and the Lord. All I wanted him to do was give me the peace and wisdom that I needed to make it through this life. I never wanted to blame Jesus. I just wanted to understand. I wanted to know what he wanted to do with the life that he gave me.

I am jumping again to the visitation. Man there were so many people. Over a 1000 people. About 1/3 into it. I had a panic attack. And being 4 mos. pregnant, it really made me nervous. So I went to the back of the church. I started talking to Larry Crumply about what to do. I knew I had to be out there, I just didn't know if I could do it. I had a story for everyone out there. I could tell you who everyone was. So, I asked if I could address them from the pulpit. That is what I did. I can't tell you what I said. I don't remember. I did have several people tell me I did a great job. It is on tape. I am just not sure I am ready to watch it.

My dad moved in with me. My mom traveled back and forth from KC to Spfd. every week. I had a huge support team around me. They are still around me to this day. It was about 6 weeks after Scott died that we found out that John, my younger brother had cancer. He moved in with me too. We were just one big happy mess of a family. Yet we stuck together. I was not leaving him any more than he was leaving me. So it was me and my 5 kids, John (with no kids), and my mom and dad in my 4 bedroom home. O the times were some what difficult, yet they were filled with so much love and support. I believe that God was looking down on us with pride. I think we were doing what the bible talks about (being there for your immediate family). I have no doubt that we all know that our family sticks together through thick and thin.