Obeying, having fears, yet resting in the peace.....

Growing up I was blessed with a youth pastor that taught me how to hear the Lord's voice. Little did I know how important and vital that would be in my christian walk. Hearing the small, suttle, yet powerful and strong voice, leaves me with a peace. A peace in the midst of my fears. He reassures me that when He calls HE will go before me and prepare me for my path. It's that saying... He doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called.

I have to ask myself; why would he call me to do something that I am able to do? I don't NEED him, if I am able to do it on my own. However, if I feel inadequate and unable to perform the task at hand.... I HAVE TO LEAN ON HIM! I NEED Him to help me through the entire way. It is through these times that in the end God gets the glory.

About a month ago, I was laying in bed and low and behold God spoke to me CLEAR AS DAY! He said he wanted me to homeschool all of my kids next year. I spoke this to Paul, thinking he was going to tell me I was crazy. All to find out that he was on board. (I am so thankful for an amazing husband) For those of you that know me... My desire has never been to homeschool. I almost had all of my kids at school. I was almost a free women :) Not to mention I am very insecure at teaching. I know I have a lot to learn and get ready for. However, I do know GOD IS ON MY SIDE. I am resting in a peace knowing that if I did not homeschool, I would being disobeying the Lord. And when our children disobey we give them consequences. So, I know I would have consequences if I didn't do this. I don't know how long I will homeschool. I will keep going until the Lord tells me to stop.

I am to the point now that I am getting excited. Crazy I know! I have already started some schooling with the young boys. They are liking it and doing well. Please don't bust my naive little bubble of excitement hahahhaa

With all of this said, I am so grateful that the Lord speaks to me. I am grateful that he leads, guides and protects me through this life's journey. I can only hope and pray that I am raising up world changers for the kingdom of God, and that Scott Jett would be proud! Making decisions for our kids without him is not easy. However, I am resting in that small, suttle, yet powerful strong voice of the Lord. And there is a peace that passes all understanding in this place!!!!

Thank you for your continued prayers! They mean a lot!!!!!

It was a new Revelation of Healing taking place.....

Last week I had a revelation. The Lord really spoke to me and showed me just how he was healing me and my heart. I woke up, and was headed to Springfield when the revelation took place.

Ever since Scott died, I have despised the song "It is well with my soul". It really made me angry. I have always thought that it was crazy that we sing about it being well with our souls. When really if we thought about what we were saying, would it really be well with our souls? I said NO! Looking back, it was my hurt coming out.

Then my next thought was... Would I go back and undo what has taken place in my life? I sat and began to think about that. I thought about all of the things that God has done in and through my life, Scott's life and the kids lives. Looking back I can see how God has created a different person. He has continued to mold me into HIS image. Before Scott died, I thought I was a weak person. Crazy I know, but true. Scott was my rock. Through all of this I see that I am stronger than I thought. I have watched God give me strength when I thought I had none. He showed me how to put my eyes on him and not on my situation. Every time I would look at my circumstances, it was like he gently would put his hand under my chin and turned my head back to him. He took my eyes off of me and made them kingdom focused. I have watched him prompt me to what is next with my children. I have also seen how he has helped me to be more confident when I hear his voice. God has shown me I can trust him no matter what comes my way.

I have watched how God is molding my kids, especially my older ones. He is making them leaders. He is showering them with all of the love and support they need. I keep praying and trusting that God has all of them in the palm of his hand.

I have seen God's hand upon my life, like I have never seen before! I have seen him provide EVERYTHING that I have ever wanted or needed. (AN AMAZING MAN OF GOD)

So the answer to my question.... Would I go back and undo what I have experienced? No, I wouldn't. I am blessed beyond measure! I will one day get to see Scott again. Knowing that makes it all seem okay for me! So, I guess :) I can say IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL!!!!!!!!!! That is healing in my soul!!! Thank you Jesus!!!! That doesn't mean that I like what has taken place. I just wouldn't go back. It has to be all about Jesus!!!!

Thank you God for your grace, mercy and hand of protection upon my kids and I!!!!

There are still days of mourning....

So many cool things going on in my life. Right now the kids are all adjusting to a blended family. We have our ups and downs, but for the most part the kids are loving each other. They are learning, the so called "pecking order". For some that is not fun. Others are having to much fun. So we are having to control that. When they are apart they want to be with each other... which I love. A blended family is WORK!!! It's a CHALLENGE!!! And I am WILLING TO TAKE IT ON!!!!! I love a house full of kids. (I will write more about the challenges of the blended family soon)

When Paul and I got married we quickly saw that we needed more space. So we have made the choice to add on to our home. We are adding a 3 car garage and adding another living room with a HUGE laundry room. I am soooooo excited to have everyone's clothes in the laundry room. It will be a community closet. I will be able to control the flow of clothes. Meaning, I don't have to fold clothes to have the kids throw them on the floor looking for something else. Mom's you totally get what I am saying. :) It is going to eliminate a lot of chaos out of my world. Super excited!!!!!!!

On Friday and Saturday, Paul and I had to clean out our existing garage and take everything to our new garage. That in itself was very overwhelming. So much stuff!!!!!! Yet, so very exciting because we were seeing progress! Progress for my new laundry room!!!! But, did I mention that all of the stuff was Scott Jetts? He was a total pack rat. He saved everything!!! My amazing husband started the project with his dad. They started trying to organize the best that they knew how. When I got home for the day, I dove into something that I knew was going to be a challenge, both physically and emotionally. Any time I go through Scott's things, it still brings up the past.

Just as I had thought, as I was digging through the "stuff" (books, old papers, clothes, all of his many hobbies) all of the emotions began to rush over me. I always think that I can control and overcome. However, I know deep down, that isn't possible. As I began to move things and go through things, I tried to hide my feelings. For those of you that know me, know I CAN'T hide my feelings long. There is a part of me that feels guilty for "feeling" what I feel. It messes with my head. I am married to one of the most amazing men I have ever known, and I was married to one of the most amazing men I had ever known. Put those two feelings together and you get mixed emotions all over the place. I didn't want Paul to feel insecure and I didn't want him to feel less. Therefore, I tried to hide my feelings.

As I began to get a little testy, I spilled it.... "My emotions are all over the place. I am excited to be building on. Yet, going through all of Scott's things brings back all of the feelings of loss. The feelings of what I lost. The amazing man in my life. And then I stand back and look at you (Paul) and see how blessed I am because of you." I began to cry. I cry as I type this. Paul, dropped all he was doing and held me as I cried in his arms. I explain it like this....

When you have your first baby, you don't think you will be able to love like that again. How could that be possible, is what we think. Until, we have that next baby. Holding them, we notice that we have that same depth of love for a completely different child. We don't love one more than the other. It's the same love, just for more of them now :) That is how I describe my love for Scott and Paul. It is the same depth of love. Yet, it is for a very different person. Losing Scott will always impact me. I will always miss him. Just as if I would have lost a child. You don't stop missing them because you have another child. Same for me with my spouses.

I am so grateful for Paul. I am grateful for his confidence in me and our love, that he will allow me to mourn when I need to. He will hold me and not judge our love in return. Most men would feel an insecurity toward the relationship. Instead, Paul knowing Scott, allows, walks and mourns with me and my kids. I am so grateful that God has blessed us with a strong, loving, compassionate, sympathetic, and caring man of God... PAUL PRESLEY!!!!!! Thank you!!!!!!! I couldn't do what I do without his support!!! I AM BLESSED!!!!!!

My Devotions for the day....

"The God who made the world and everything in it, this Master of sky and land, doesn't live in custom-made shrines or need the human race to run errands for him, as if he couldn't take care of himself. He makes the creatures; the creatures don't make him. Starting from scratch, he made the entire human race and made the earth hospitable, with plenty of time and space for living so we could seek after God, and not just grope around in the dark but actually find him. He doesn't play hide-and-seek with us. He's not remote; HE'S NEAR! We live and move in him, can't get away from him! One of your poets said it well; 'We're the God-created.' Well, if we are the God-created, it doesn't make a lot of sense to think we could hire a sculptor to chisel a god out of stone for us, does it?

God overlooks it as long as you don't know any better-but the time is past. The unknown is now known, and HE'S CALLING FOR A RADICAL LIFE CHANGE! He has set a day when the entire human race will be judged and everything set right. And he has already appointed the judge, confirming him before everyone by raising him from the dead.

At the phrase 'raising him from the dead' the listeners split: Some laughed at him and walked off making jokes; others said, 'Let's do this again. We want to hear more.'

Acts 18:24:32 MSG

This was my devotion for the day. I found it to be good stuff, so I thought I would share. God is looking not only for a radical life change, but for RADICAL LIVING! A life lived for HIM! He's easily found when looked for! It is well worth the hunt! But, mind you the hunt will be short lived. Because he is waiting for you to turn your every move to him. Just like my status said, He is looking for us to go to HIS FEET FIRST in EVERY decision that we make. "For everything that we give to God is his responsibility, EVERYTHING WE KEEP IS OUR RESPONSIBILITY!" -unknown I think I would rather God have the responsibility. I would rather live in peace and know HE HAS IT UNDER CONTROL!!!!!!!

Where are we 3 years later?.....

WOW! I can't believe that it has been three years since I lost Scott Michael Jett! I have so many mixed emotions. So many good emotions and yet still so many nerving and racking emotions. Of course there is still sadness. I lost someone very important to me. Someone who taught me how to love in a whole new way. Someone who helped me grow deeper in love with God. And someone who taught me how to be a mom and a wife. PRICELESS!!!!!!!! What a blessing that God thought enough about me to bless me with such an incredible man!!!! My heart hurts very deeply as I type this blog. Yet, my life is filled with so much joy and happiness. Strange! Weird! Crazy!!!!

Most of you know that on my birthday, July 28th I married an AMAZING man! Paul entered our life and brought 4 incredible kids with him! Most would think... What a burden! I say.... WHAT A BLESSING!!! I didn't know I could feel all of the joy and happiness again. Our lives are crazy! But, we make the absolute best out of what the Good Lord has given. We both know what kind of curve balls that life can throw and we have to enjoy the moments that we have now. It is the small things that become the greatest blessings. Our home is full of nerf swords and shields and war games. Both on video and real life. There is always a battle ragging and a war being won. hahahha The house is full of boys being boys. But, don't be mistaken.... The girls WILL BE GIRLS!!! Lots of girliness to go around. It is a chore to get the boys to realize these girls are girls and not their war zone. They love to have their space to be teachers and moms :) Most of all our home is filled with a whole lot of LOVE!!! Love that the Lord has blessed us with. Yet, what a challenge that the Lord has called Paul and I too. But, man WHAT A BLESSING to be a part of.

Connor is now in Jr. High. I can't believe it. He is in 6th grade and a manager for the basketball team. He is loving the freedom. I know that Scott would be so proud of him and all that he is becoming. I am so proud to be his mom. Paul is teaching him how to fix and work on "manly" things around the house. He is loving every minute of it. He is one of my gear heads :) He has upgraded to Youth group at church. I can't believe how time fly's. With all of the good, don't get me wrong he is still a JR HIGHER!!!! Full of challenges and words for me. LOL He is still a HUGE help for me!!!

Caiden is in 5th grade. He is wanting to be the same age as Connor. He can't wait for his freedom to hit next year. Caiden is playing soccer and loving it. Caiden has the "touch it, it turns to gold" life. He picks up talents very well. Just like Scott. He is fun to watch. He loves to challenge and be sneaky with his brothers. That boy is always looking for a crazy noise to make. Whether with his clapping of hands or just finding a loud OBNOXIOUS noise to make, he is going to find a way to be heard.

Grace is in 2nd grade. She is bold, bullheaded, super girly and ready to pop you on your head. LOL She loves to pretend that she is 10 years older than she really is. Grace is very good at school. She is very motivated. The girl is going to go somewhere in life... Bold and motivated! It is what is going to make her someday, but man it makes for challenging parenting.

Coltin, where do I start? The boy is crazy!!! Never stops talking and asking questions. Coltin is not only where the party is at... HE IS THE PARTY! I often wonder why he has all of the energy. He has more energy in one little body, than all of us combined.

Christian, is just starting the potty training. He has decided that making mud and "watering" the plants are a fun thing (peeing on them LOL). He is not a very outgoing personality. Yet, neither was Grace. So there is hope for him. hahha Christian thinks he is 10 like the rest of the boys. Until he gets hurt. Then he is back to being 2 again.

For September 12th and so many days to come, I will mourn the loss of an amazing man. He still was the man of my dreams. A man, I believe God allowed to be taken home. What a blessing for him. I hate what my kids are now having to deal with (the loss of their father). Yet, I see God all over their lives. I see how God has placed the PERFECT man into their lives. A man that is meeting them all right where they are. Paul is providing exactly what they had been lacking. Each one of them are starting to call him dad. Not by force, but by choice. That is a blessing!

Scott will ALWAYS be apart of our family! He will ALWAYS be talked about freely! Christian, my 2 year old talks about his "daddy Scott" being killed on a motorcycle. At first it was hard to hear, yet what a blessing to know just how much we do talk about Scott. He made a HUGE impact on my life and was such a blessing, I WANT TO PASS THAT DOWN to my kids. I want them to know just who they came from. I also want them to see how blessed they are, that God has provided a 3rd father into their lives... God our father, their "Daddy Scott", and now their "Daddy Paul".

So again, I will mourn this horrible day for the rest of my life. However, I am going to REJOICE in where and what God has done. I want to see all of the MANY blessings that HE has provided. I don't want to ever take them for granted! I am a very blessed girl. I look at my life and I am so thankful!! I/we don't have to understand "why" everything or some things happen. I do have to trust God that HE KNOWS!!! I just read a sign today.... "The peace on the outside is the GOD ON THE INSIDE!!! So true. God is so amazing!!!

I can't end this blog without asking....

What is the legacy that you are leaving behind?

The whole reason for this blog is because of Scott. Who he was! And the legacy that he left behind! The legacy that every life counts! The legacy of Christ in our lives. I think often of what I told the kids the night at the scene... "Daddy got to go home. His work was done here on earth. He has told everyone that he needed to tell about Jesus Christ. Now it is time for us to fight for WHO DADDY WAS AND WHO JESUS IS!!!! I can only hope that my life is representing Jesus LOUD AND CLEAR!!! I may not always do it right... But I WILL NEVER GIVE UP TRYING!!!!!!!

DETAILS!!!!!!!

On July 18th 2010, I gave Paul a chance with me. LOL :) He had been patiently and eagerly pursuing me. We flirted on facebook and that was the extent of our talking. I knew that we had a great connection. It wasn't until we talked on the phone that I knew! I knew that I was going to marry him. I didn't tell him that, but I did tell my mom. She thought I was crazy. Paul and I talked on the phone for 5 hours. My kids and his kids were running around while we talked. By the end of our conversation I had FALLEN IN LOVE! The next night we talked again for 4 hours. This started our streak of many long conversations to come. It was 2 weeks later that we met in person. He took me to a park. We walked the trails and just talked all about God and life. I came to realize that he was an incredible man. Both inside and out :) I learned all about his integrity, character and most of all his love for the Lord. He let me in on his ways of parenting and getting to the heart of the child. I has started changing the way that I parent my kids. Completely life changing. Paul and I have a connection that is beyond what I could describe to any of you. It is INCREDIBLE!!!!!

Through the last year we have had to learn each other and come to understand one another. In ways that are not always easy but rewarding! We have both gotten to grow together both physically and spiritually. He challenges me in every way. Paul and I have started learning the art of blending a family. Not an easy task. Yet, the joy that is in the midst of those challenges make it all worth while. Our kids have done amazing. They all act as though they have been blood siblings their entire life, which means lots of rivalries going on. In the midst of the rivals they laugh to the point they cry. LOL There really isn't anything better than listening to belly laughter from the kids. It makes us laugh.

So to the good stuff.... What happened....

Paul and I had been talking about getting married for a while. There were a few bumps in the road as to when that would happen. It wasn't until our 1 year anniversary of talking that we really started deciding when the right time was. We were talking about getting married the weekend of Aug. 5th. However, we were a little unsure of all the details. On Monday July 24, we made the decision to get married on the 6th of Aug. So on my birthday July 28th, Paul suggested that we get our marriage license. We did just that. :) He then took me to HuHot for dinner. One of my favorite places to eat. Afterward he had asked me what else I wanted to do. I said..." Andy's frozen custard sounds really good". Paul said... "How about let's get married" Me... "WHAT!"

Paul..."I am serious. Would you ever just elope and not tell anyone?"

Me..."ABSOLUTELY! That is a true elopement. Not telling anyone :)"

So we called Rian Bess. An incredible man and dear friend and cousin to Paul. He thought we were crazy. They had been swimming and were still in there suits. I loved it :) Rian was very worried about how he looked. He went and put on fresh clothes. As Heather (his wife, my bff) was in her swim suit cover up. All the while Lesa, was there and totally clueless. She said she knew something was going on. However, she is the sweet quiet one that would never really ask. I looked at her and asked if she knew what was going on. I then told her she was going to be our 2nd witness to getting married. She said right now? Yep right now :) I will never forget all of the giggles. It made it so fun. Paul and I were in the middle of Rian and Heather's living room. It was there we got married on July 28th. My birthday! The greatest gift ever!

From there we spent a couple of hours with just him and I. PRICELESS! We then went to pick up his kids. When he told them, they were filled with laughter and smiles. We all loaded in the van and headed to my house to tell my kids. No one made it inside before Joey made it known they were all brothers and sisters. The noise level went up 10 notches and didn't come down for a couple of days.

It has taken them all time to really figure out what all of this meant. However, we are seeing God go before us and prepare our way. He has given us favor in many ways we didn't see coming. I look forward to the future and all that it holds. Thank you so much for all of your prayers. Then mean the world to me. I am a very blessed women. Thank you

Ps. 37:4

I was talking to a Pastor last night. Telling him a little bit about where I was in life. He spoke a scripture to me that I have heard many times. But for some reason it has JUMPED out at me.

"DELIGHT yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4

The definition for delight: to take pleasure in....

The definition for pleasure: to be pleased or to take enjoyment in...

Sounds so elementary and simple. Yet, sometimes so hard to do in our walk with the Lord. It's about enjoying, and walking in His presence and peace every day. Not fretting about what is stressing us out. But, trusting that God is in control. Knowing that if we "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, then all things will be added" Matt. 6:33. He will take care of us. "Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake you" Heb. 13:5. God wants us to walk out our everyday life, knowing that He is watching out for us. He wants us to take pleasure in Him! He wants us to ENJOY Him! He wants to LOVE on us and for us to LOVE on Him.

And yet we want to make EVERYTHING so hard and complicated. We want to worry about the day or days to come. We focus on our situations instead of Him. Our focus has to be heavenly minded not circumstance minded.

I am having to learn to take my eyes off of what I see, and focus on what I can't see... God! Trusting that as I DELIGHT in Him, he is going to DELIGHT HIMSELF IN ME! He is going to give me the desires of my heart. He is going to take care of me and my kids. He is not worried about my circumstances or my situation. He already knows! So all of the fretting and worrying is only doing me harm. I keep thinking of how He has told us to pray...

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your Kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as in heaven
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins,
as we forgive those who sin against us.
Lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For the kingdom,
the power and the glory are yours.
Now and for ever.

Amen.

This prayer is simple and easy. Yet, said with a lot of confidence it can go a long way in our daily walk with the Lord. If we will begin to pray like this, we will pray with more delight and pleasure and less about the things that are stressing us out. Focusing our prayers on the things that stress us out, sometimes stress us out more. Because we are always thinking about our circumstances.

All of this to say that, I have been praying all about my stresses and stressing myself out more. Instead of taking a step back and praying the simple prayers and trusting that God is going to take care of me. I have been walking through the day today, trying to enjoy and take pleasure in the Lord. Something that I know, but I am having to take myself back to a childlike faith. So maybe I need to read Psalms 37:4 like this....

BE PLEASED, TAKE PLEASURE AND ENJOY the LORD! HE WILL... GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART!