Ever since Scott died, I have despised the song "It is well with my soul". It really made me angry. I have always thought that it was crazy that we sing about it being well with our souls. When really if we thought about what we were saying, would it really be well with our souls? I said NO! Looking back, it was my hurt coming out.
Then my next thought was... Would I go back and undo what has taken place in my life? I sat and began to think about that. I thought about all of the things that God has done in and through my life, Scott's life and the kids lives. Looking back I can see how God has created a different person. He has continued to mold me into HIS image. Before Scott died, I thought I was a weak person. Crazy I know, but true. Scott was my rock. Through all of this I see that I am stronger than I thought. I have watched God give me strength when I thought I had none. He showed me how to put my eyes on him and not on my situation. Every time I would look at my circumstances, it was like he gently would put his hand under my chin and turned my head back to him. He took my eyes off of me and made them kingdom focused. I have watched him prompt me to what is next with my children. I have also seen how he has helped me to be more confident when I hear his voice. God has shown me I can trust him no matter what comes my way.
I have watched how God is molding my kids, especially my older ones. He is making them leaders. He is showering them with all of the love and support they need. I keep praying and trusting that God has all of them in the palm of his hand.
I have seen God's hand upon my life, like I have never seen before! I have seen him provide EVERYTHING that I have ever wanted or needed. (AN AMAZING MAN OF GOD)
So the answer to my question.... Would I go back and undo what I have experienced? No, I wouldn't. I am blessed beyond measure! I will one day get to see Scott again. Knowing that makes it all seem okay for me! So, I guess :) I can say IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL!!!!!!!!!! That is healing in my soul!!! Thank you Jesus!!!! That doesn't mean that I like what has taken place. I just wouldn't go back. It has to be all about Jesus!!!!
Thank you God for your grace, mercy and hand of protection upon my kids and I!!!!