Monday, July 19, 2010

The second half is going to be even better

Tonight, for the first time in almost 2 years, I am feeling up beat. I have felt like the life God gave me was kind of a cursed one. I lost the love of my life and now raising 5 kids on my own (with parental help). WOW! That is all that I can say. My brother in law got cancer. My brother got cancer. I still am not sure how much more I can take. But, I have now got some glimpse of hope. I have had it the whole time just afraid of claiming it. I have had to come to some really hard realizations in life and with God. I have had to examine where I am and what I believe. Some, I like and most I don't. But they are truths to who and what God is in my life. I am going to stick with God NO MATTER WHAT!!!! HE is the love of my life!!! Without God I really have nothing. He completes it all! He is my Rock and my Redeemer!!!! Okay, so back to the why I am talking about all of this......

Since the day that Scott died, I have felt like Job (in the bible) and was very discouraged. Job lead a difficult life. One that was full of suffering. A life I was and am afraid to be like. I didn't want any more suffering. I felt like if I admitted that I felt like Job, God might bring on more suffering. I am scared to death of more suffering. BUT, then today I read Job 42. The very last chapter. WOW! I feel more encouraged today than I felt in almost 2 years. God blessed Job. I know I have known and been taught that. But, in the midst of my trials I obviously put that in the back of my brain. The bible says in chapter 42:12 "The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first." I felt like God showed me that he is going to bless me beyond my wildest dreams. Then it says what all Job had been given..... 42:12-13 "He had 4000 sheep, 6000 camels, and a 1000 yoke of oxen and a 1000 donkeys. And he also had 7 sons and 3 daughters." Not only did God bless Job emotionally, he blessed him in his family as well as financially. God blessed and rewarded him in ways that he couldn't dream!!!! All because of his undenying love and faithfulness to the Lord in the midst of suffering! I can only hope and pray that I can uphold the same undenying love and faithfulness to the most amazing God!

O, Lord please as I claim this chapter on my life. Let me see your hand and will for my life unfold in ways I never thought possible. I love you Lord with all of my heart!!! You are my everything. Thank you in advance for you blessings and love! AMEN!!!