My Dreams....

For the last couple of weeks I have been looking into my life. Trying to figure out my purpose. Why am I here? What does God want to do with me? I look ahead and have no idea where I am going. I have looked behind me to see what my past dreams were. Where and what did I see myself doing? What is it that God called me to do and be? Ever since I was a little girl, I couldn't wait to be a mom and a wife. I dreamed of having a house full of kids. My Junior year, I was called into ministry. Then at 19, I married the man of my dreams. Seriously! I became his support and biggest cheerleader. That became my dream. Cheering him on and watching God use him in mighty ways. Looking back Scott's dreams became mine. Any dream that he had, I was on board. To me he walked on water. If Scott said it, it was gold. I was made fun of for this. But, I didn't care. His dreams were mine. I was willing to do what ever it took (except travel the world with all of our kids). LOL In the midst of his dreams I wanted stability. He lived out almost all of his dreams!

It didn't hit me until today that I didn't dream for me. My dreams were being fulfilled. I was a mom to 4 almost 5 kids, a wife and in ministry. Now that he is gone, I'm no longer in ministry. I'm still trying to find stability. I guess living out my life is a ministry, but it isn't fulfilling enough. I want more. I want a vision of what God wants to do with me. I am still fighting to be the best mom that I can be. Making sure that they are lacking for nothing. However, I have lost my dreams.

So now, what about Cori? What about my dreams? Were they shattered the day he died? Surely this isn't it? Wasn't the women supposed to be the support role in a marriage? How do I go from that, to being on my own? How do I find myself after being wrapped up in Scott's dreams? How do I step out to do the will of God, when Scott was the "one" that was known, not me? How do you shake the fear? Where to start my dreams? How do I begin my dreams? So, now what?

All I know is that I want to be used by God. I want to see purpose in the death of Scott. I long to see his legacy that he left behind continued and my dreams to be fulfilled. Pray that God will show me my hope, dreams and visions for the future.

Is "it" a blessing or a curse?

I am So ready for this stage of my life to be over with. I am ready for the next step or phase that life has to offer. I still have a lot of questions of why's and how come. I still sometimes question God... What have I done that you feel I need punished so sever? I have searched my life to find all the area's that I could have messed up in and asked God to forgive me. I have pleaded with God... PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I was just listening to a sermon the other day that got me thinking. The pastor said if you are not seeing the blessings of God in your life then you need to be finding out what YOU are doing wrong. Again, I dug deep. Trying to find out what I have done wrong. I have shed many tears because of these CRAZY feelings. And CRAZY feelings is what they are. I know God better than that. I know His nature better than that. Though he is a God that disciplines his children, he is not a God that is full of anger towards his children that love him. He is loving, gracious, merciful, compassionate and full of blessings to the ones that live for him. HE IS A GOOD GOD! "The Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness." Ex. 34:6

I have also had to dig deep in the bible to find out what God thinks of the widow. I have found that he is compassionate towards her. He is a Father to the fatherless and a defender of widows (Ps. 68:5) We are under his special care and protection. "He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow" Deut. 10:18 Widow's have a special place in God's heart. :) Which leads me to yet another question....

Am I where I am because I am cursed because of what I have done? Or Is it God's blessing on my life? Now that sounds sick and twisted to me. However, I read a blog yesterday that has got me thinking. It talked about seeing the blessings of where we are at, not at the curse of where we are at. God doesn't curse the ones that love him! HE BLESSES THEM!!!! If it isn't because of what I have done wrong then why? I believe it is because God has a greater much larger plan, full of blessings that I could never think or imagine. I believe that God could have prevented Scott from dying. However, I believe that God knows WAY more than we can understand. Who knows what He is preventing or sparing us from. Again, I can play the question game. But, I am choosing to rest in the fact that God's ultimate plan is HIS kingdom. Our lives are for His glory to be revealed in and through us! So, I have to see His blessings in my life! That is not always easy to do. Because I want to see the things that I want and don't have.... A husband.

He has blessed me with an amazing family. My parents have gone above and beyond the call. My kids are AMAZING! God knew that I need each one of them to get me through! I need them as much if not more than they need me! :) God has surrounded me with great friends. I can feel him sustaining me. I may not like where I am at, I don't have too. But, I do have to trust him. And in this huge trial of life, I am doing just that. I AM TRUSTING HIM!

Thank you so much God for your unfailing love. You have strengthened me and sustained me throughout this adventure. You have allowed me to make decisions that have not been the best, all to help me learn. You have also guided me through this maze of life and protected me. You are helping me to develop my kids into the men and women of God that you are calling them to be. Our house may be full of craziness, but it is full of love. Your love! I am seeing the you bring all of us closer to you. And that is PRICELESS, no matter how much I don't like the way it feels. Continue to help, lead, guide and direct us. Don't let my foot slip. Keep me on track! Thank you for your many blessings that you have given me. AMEN!

It's time to seek God like Asa lead Judah to do!

In my time with the Lord today it was powerful! Here it is :) 2 Chronicles 14-15

Let me set the stage for you. Asa had just become King over Judah. Upon becoming King he did a little house cleaning. He got rid of all of the pagan altars and shrines. He smashed the sacred stone pillars and chopped down the sex-and religion groves. Again, he "cleaned house". He told the people to CENTER THEIR LIVES IN GOD (14:4) They needed to follow the law and the commandments. After Asa "cleaned house" his kingdom was at peace (vs 6). During their time of peace they decided to build up their defense system. They prepared their city for battle. In the midst of their peace they realized why they had peace; because they had sought God. He gave them rest from all troubles (vs. 7). Then out of now where the Ethiopians came warring against them. Asa went to God humbly asking him to help them in battle (vs 11). God did just that. He defeated the Ethiopians!

In our own lives we sometimes wonder why we aren't seeing favor with the Lord. I say today maybe we need to do a little house cleaning of our own. Dig deep and get rid of the junk that is holding us back from God. It is time that we CENTER OUR LIVES IN GOD! It is time for us to take our focus off of ourselves and back on HIM. Then we will see and feel His peace in our lives. And when we are in the midst of that peaceful mountain top; we NEED to prepare for the battles ahead. Such as a life tragedy. Or even just the craziness of life. Prepare! Dig deep into the word of God and seek Him like never before. Because just around the corner is going to be a bump in the road. It's the life that we live in. When we seek and prepare like Asa; God does the battle. We have to remind ourselves that when we truly surrender to God we don't have to worry about the battle. Because the battle is already won!

Chapter 15

God had spoke to Azariah; he was to go to Asa. He told Asa.... "God will stick with you as long as you stick with him. If you look for him he will let himself be found; but if you leave him he'll leave you". He also told him that for a long time Israel didn't have the real God. However, when they got in trouble they got serious about Him. And when they got serious about God; God allowed himself to be found (15:4). It was a crazy time. People all around them were at war and at each others throats. Azariah said this to Asa "But it's different with you: BE STRONG. TAKE HEART. PAYDAY IS COMING!!!! (vs 7) Asa heard all the Azariah had said. So he went to work, cleaning house again. Getting rid of all that wasn't pleasing to God. Through all of the craziness, he joined forces with those around him. They made a covenant to seek God WHOLEHEARTEDLY holding NOTHING BACK (12). They made this covenant with joy in their hearts (15). ANTICIPATING the BEST! They sought God-and HE SHOWED UP! Ready to be found. He gave them PEACE!!!!!

We have to always remember that God will NEVER leave us nor forsake us. If we want to find God, we are going to have to get serious about it. No more playing church, but LIVING it. It is time that we form a covenant with God, to follow Him NO MATTER WHAT! And do it with great joy in our hearts. And as we follow Him ANTICIPATING GREAT THINGS!!!! THE BEST! God wants nothing but the best for us. And when we seek Him, knowing He is waiting to be found. Along our journey knowing just like Asa, we aren't going to do it all right (vs 18). But if our heart is in the right place God WILL HAVE GRACE. He will know our intentions. And bless us abundantly!!!!

It's all an illusion...

We have all heard... The grass is greener on the other side. That is just about how I feel right now. I am looking around seeing everyone's happiness. I see weddings taking place, pregnancies, and babies being born, all around me. Shear happiness. Don't get me wrong, I am sooooo excited for all of these people around me. I have been in every situation. They are fun and exciting. They are times to cherish and enjoy. I remember the day I married Scott. I couldn't take the smile off of my face. Or the day that I had each one of my kids. How exciting. It all brings tears to my eyes just thinking of it. Tears of joy and tears of sadness.

The sadness that the man that helped me bring all of this joy into my life is now gone. I am stuck learning new ways and and new relationships. I have never been one to date. And now I am finding myself giving my heart away and seeing it leave before me. The ups and downs to being a momma of 5 with a husband that is no longer here to help me along this journey. The journey of raising a soon to be teenager all the way down to a toddler. Talk about hard and overwhelming. I find myself saying..."Really God this is what you have for me? Are you sure? Because, I am not." I feel like I look around me and all I see is business. Friends, along with myself have all gone astray. So the loneliness sets in. The determination of not looking back and fighting forward takes over. It is time to fight the feelings of giving up and letting go. I just am not sure I am there yet.

I was having a self pity party last night. Telling God about all of the happiness around me. How happy everyone else gets to be. Asking God what I did wrong? Why did I have to go through all of this? Why can't I just have the happy life like everyone else gets to? God's response to me was this.... It is all an illusion. The illusion is satan trying to trap your mind. Yes people are happy around you. However, everyone has their own issue. But you can't see that. You are only focused on what they have that you don't. A husband. By focusing on everyone else's happiness it is killing yours. OUCH!!!!

I don't know that it has sunk in. But, it is going to have to sink in quickly!!!!

Relationships!!!!!

I am at it again.... Here is goes.... God has been talking to me and changing me. All for the better. I am so excited. I love to hear His voice and see him showing me new things. Here was my devotion today.

This is all about relationships, but please look into your marriage relationships first. I am not saying I am perfect or that I have it all figured out. I am going to say what I feel very strongly, about what God showed me.

Proverbs 19 It's a Proverb a day :) I am going to jump around on a few verses.

It is all about listening! Sometimes we don't want to listen to what those around us have to say to us. Our actions are justified to us. We make excuses for why we do what we do. Instead of listening to what the other person is really saying.

In Proverbs 19:20 "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise."

By listening to what the other person has to say we validate what they are feeling. We have to look through their eyes. By doing so we are no longer justifying our actions, we are gaining understanding. When we gain understanding, we gain the desire to accept instruction. Instruction of what the other person NEEDS! Relationships can't be about just our needs, but that of the other persons as well. By LISTENING and ACCEPTING we GAIN WISDOM! Wisdom of just how to handle the situation at hand.

The instruction IS ALL ABOUT DISCIPLINING OUR ACTIONS! No one ever said disciplining ourselves or receiving discipline was easy.

Prov. 19:8 "He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who cherishes understanding prospers."

By receiving discipline of all kinds we gain the wisdom to handle every situation. By gaining the wisdom and understanding we WILL PROSPER!!!!

Our relationships require us to see through the other persons eyes. By listening, looking and understanding, our relationships will be successful!

Prov. 19:11 "A man's wisdom gives him patience"

I believe by Listening, Looking, and Understanding we gain Wisdom. By gaining the wisdom we need we gain the desire to be patient. Patience comes from understanding where the other person is at.

So often when someone comes to us to confront us, we make excuses. Instead of listening to what they have to say and gaining the understanding we need to handle the situation. By understanding what is at hand, we have to take action. Our actions require discipline and the desire to change.

Not only does the pertain to the relationships around us, but to the relationship that we have with God. It is time we all stop making excuses to our actions and looking at our actions through the eyes of someone else. Our intentions could be good, but our actions and reactions could be quite the opposite. We have to line up our intentions with our actions and reactions, in order to have successful relationships.

I am not pointing anyone out. Just simply what God pointed out to me!!!! It hit me square between the eyes!

I had no idea it has been 7 months since I last blogged!

Life is crazy! So many ups and downs! So many joys and sorrows! An through it all, so many places for growth. Growth in the Lord! Which makes EVERYTHING worth it. God never told us or promised us that this life was going to be easy. He has promised us in Heb. 13:5 " Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you"!!!! As most know, the last couple of months has been a roller coaster ride for me. However, I have watched the Lord transform me in ways I had no idea he could do.

God showed me an important aspect to me and who I was. All of my life I have known that I had a very strong personality. I was not raised in ministry. Therefore I didn't always say the "right" things, in the right way. So, Scott became my security in a social setting. Those of you that knew Scott, knew he had amazing people skills. I began to lean on him to filter my words. He became my "safety net". Having him around gave me a security in knowing he would help me to do and say the "right" things. I leaned on Scott more than I leaned on God. After Scott died, I lost who Cori was. My security was gone! God showed me what I was doing and had done. After the accident I only wanted the people closest to me, to be around me. I didn't want anyone around me that would take "work", as far as a relationship was concerned. Not to be mean, and not that I didn't like them. It was because I didn't feel safe. I was scared. Then some things happened along the way of life.... Instead of pushing through the safety of friendships and fighting for the ones that I loved.... It was easier to run. I was scared to death to say or do the "wrong" thing. I had no one to filter my thoughts through. Again, my "safety" was gone. He was no longer there to help me get through one of the toughest times in my life. I left everyone and everything behind that became unsafe to me. Please understand that I had no idea I was doing this. I still believe with all of my heart, that God was leading me. However, I pushed all that I had, away. All out of fear of loosing again. It is one of those things, that you create the very things you are afraid of. In a social setting, I would blossom again as long as I had someone that I found safe with me. I was clingy to the select couple of people. I didn't see any of this until God showed me recently.

I was told over and over that I had walls up and wouldn't let anyone in. I was a very strong person. I never saw that "strong" person in me. I saw a very weak women that had 5 kids and no husband. A women just surviving! Then God showed me the "tower" I had become. I was afraid of people around me and I was trying to "get through" life. Because of the fear I had, (the safety issues) people took it like I was to good or that I didn't need them. That is not true. I was a weak, scared girl with 5 kids trying to get through life, the best way I knew how.

I believe that God is showing me and helping me to lean on him for my safety. To trust in him! I am very thankful, for a God that is loving, compassionate, merciful and gracious! His ultimate goal for our lives is "Kingdom" bound!!!! That means that life is not going to be easy! But the end result is going to be so rewarding. I can't wait to hear... "Well done my good and faithful servant"!!!! Matt. 25:21

A Really Funny Jett Story....

So last night all of my kids were at my moms house. I showed up to a neighborhood full of kids in their front yard. The kids were trying to be really nice for my mom, and plant some veggies for next year. Sweet ugh? Well, they decided that they were going to go next door to the neighbors garden. They all began to pick his left over habanero peppers. EEEEE hahhahahaha Connor and Caiden had no clue what they were messing with. They played with the peppers for a short time only to find out that they were really hot. ahhahaha About 15 mins after I got home, Caiden came running inside crying. No... Realllllly Crrryying ahhahaha He had picked his nose. hahahhaha Well the habanero pepper oil was all over his hands and now inside his nose. I should have been more compassionate towards him, but I just couldn't help but laugh. So we got a wash cloth full of water. Caiden then begins to suck the water through his nose to try to get the burn to go away. All to find out, it didn't work. So.... Mom to the rescue. I say hey lets fill the sink with water. Then we will stick his head in the water. Trying to figure out how we were going to get the burn to go away. We did just that. All the while he is still crying and I am holding back my laughter. I pick him up and he is doing a hand stand into the kitchen sink. His feet are to the ceiling and he begins to put his head into the water. I then LOSE IT!!!! Laughing so hard that I think my mom and I are going to die. The louder we laughed the madder he got. ahhahhahahhaha mean I know. I couldn't help it. Caiden was blowing into the water, to then suck the water back in. It could have made us a million dollars on Americas Funniest Home Videos. But, I didn't have a camera. So now you get the mental picture to laugh with me. hahahhaha Then about 10 mins later, Connor comes in yelling about his nose and eyes burning. Yep you got it, he had done the same thing. I am telling you, the Jetts can't keep there figures out of their noses. ahhahahha This will be a story they will tell for the rest of their lives. Only in the life of the Jett household. :) I love it!!!!