Jan. 3 1998 The day I would do it all again, knowing what I know now!

This last month has been a little rough. And now I am coming up on my anniversary Jan. 3. It would have been 12 years. I made it through last year okay. I think I was still in shock. This year, however it is all to real. I am missing so many aspects to marriage. I miss him telling me about his love. I miss the small skin to skin touch. Or, even the talking on the phone while he was a work. He would call just to hear my voice. I loved it. He was my world. I feel a small part of resentment to myself. I feel like I took for granted what I had. I knew I had it good. I just didn't know how AMAZING until he was gone. I look at everyone of the marriages falling around me, and think man SCOTT JETT WAS the greatest husband/father. We did cherish each other. I miss telling him he was the man of my dreams. Every time he acted shocked. It didn't matter that I told him almost every night. He loved to hear it. I also loved to hear how sexy he thought I was. I had the greatest husband in the world!!! No one can convince me differently. I also have completely different odd feelings. I miss Scott Jett like CRAZY!!! I was committed to him till the end. The end being our entire lives. Not just 11 years. I was in it for the long haul. He treated me amazing. I was his princess that he couldn't get enough of. Now a little over a year later.... I am thinking about dating. No, I am thinking about the man of my dreams at 31. I want to find him. So here I am thinking about the possibility of another man in my life and yet I know I will never get over the greatest man I have ever known. Talk about mess with your head. These thoughts will, I a sure you. I am looking at it like this... When you have your first baby you are so in love, and you don't think that you can ever love another child like that the same. But then, you have your second (in my case third, forth, and fifth) and you love them just the same. If I was to loose on of my children I would always mourn their loss and remember them. I feel the same about another man entering into my life. I am hoping and praying that the Lord will send the man of my dreams at 31 to me. I am hoping that my theory is correct and I will love him with the same love I had for Scott and my kids. It is an unconditional love that lasts forever no matter what happens or comes our way!!!!!