Four Years Ago....

WOW! 4 years ago my life changed!  I can not believe it has been 4 years already.  There is not a day that goes by that the kids and I don't think or talk about Scott.  We are still striving to keep his memory alive, whether it is through my discipline or through their (the kids) interests.  People are right about the stages of grief.  The stages get father apart, and easier, yet they will always be hard (oxymoron I know).  It doesn't matter how good your life is, you still think and relive the day your life changed forever.  The pain is easier to cope with, yet still there.  The memories slowly fade, though you never forget.  They are out shadowed by the new memories being made.  Which in your mind becomes bittersweet.  There is a part of you that feels guilty and the logical part of you that says; it's all part of "it".

The kids are doing amazing.  They are at a time in life where they are searching for the interests of Scott.  They LOVE collecting knives.  Scott had so many eclectic knives.  We are kind of the crazy family with tons of pocket knives :)  And they are wanting more :)  Caiden is so into hunting! Obsessed with hunting!  He is following in Scott's footsteps.  Connor loves the horses, though not much time for them.  He feels very close to that side of Scott's life.  Grace loves to talk about her dad.  She remembers her dad asking her "who's girl" she was.  She remembers how he freaked out if she said anyone else.  The farm life is also intriguing to her.  She misses it dearly.  Coltin is still Scott Jett on steroids :)  So many interests and so much talent to follow.  He just got saved, and is for sure following in Scott's footsteps.  Christian is full of life and soaking up everything about Scott around him.  He may never have got to meet his daddy, but he is hearing daily about him through the kids.  He frequently talks about how Scott died.  That is extremely hard to hear, yet in some ways healing for  a 3 year old.

I am doing really good.  God is faithful!  My marriage is going good.  I am thankful for all that God has provided.  I watch my kids have an earthly father that meets their every need.  We talk often about our situation.  Paul isn't here to take the place of Scott.  He is here as an added bonus!  And that he is.  As a widow, he probably often gets shafted.  I compare him to Scott without even thinking of it.  I want him to do and treat me the way Scott did.  That isn't fair to him or me.  He is his own person with his own ways of doing things.  That is hard at times.  My life is about accepting change.  For someone that likes to control things, I am having to learn to step back.  Check back with me in a few months to see how I am really doing LOL :) Starting over is hard to do.  It is about learning someone else.  Learning to do life a totally different way.  Marriage is all about refining us even more into the image of Christ.  All the while laughing and crying along the way.  It is what I call "life" :)

I have walked through this whole experience with openness, in hopes to help or touch even one person.  To let the love of Jesus shine brighter than life!  Thank you for being there and praying for all of us! We are really truly blessed!!!!!

"You can't fake the funk of a nasty dunk.  So why do you think you can fake the fire of a Godly desire."  Scott Jett

I challenge all of us to truly find the fire of God and live it!  I want to see God do amazing things in and through our generation as well as our kids!