I wrote my story out for a website, that is for young widows. Here is what I wrote....

I was called into ministry my Junior year of High School. I started my journey at Central Bible College. It was there that I meet the biggest dork on campus, Scott Jett. He was crazy fun and willing to do anything that made a scene. He was shorter than I was. So, that next to the crazy personality was a no way. But the more that I spent time with him, more I started to fall for him. After hanging out for about 6 mos., we decided that we would date exclusively. It was 6 mos. later that we decided to get married. I had meet the biggest dork on campus and he was now going to be "my" dork. I know that sounds mean. However, if you knew him, you would know he really was just that. We got married on January 3, 1998. From there we headed into youth ministry. We became youth pastors the summer of 1998. That was a journey that was very hard and trying for us to go through. We experienced things that were not what ministry was about. We were getting very discouraged, yet tried to find the light of what God had us going through. During this time we found out that I was pregnant. We had only been married for 9 mos. when we found out. At that point, God told us it was time to move on. Scott, felt like God was calling him to get his masters in counseling. The problems that we were facing in ministry were more than what we could handle on our own. So, we headed to Kansas City to start our family and his masters program. Along the way we started a traveling drama group with the local youth group and added another son. As soon as Scott's masters was complete, we headed to Springfield. It was there that he finished all of his counseling hours. While in Springfield, we added a daughter and another son. Making our total 3 boys and a girl. We were living on a farm. We were city folk gone country over night. He had just started his new journey at Central Bible College in the fall of 2008. He was their Youth Ministries Professor. He loved it!!!!! We just bought a new home, off of the farm. It was 2 weeks after moving in our new home that we found out I was expecting our 5th baby. I had mixed emotions about having another baby. But, Scott was so excited.

During this part of our journey in life we sought God for every move that we made. We made him our number one priority in our lives. We started dreaming and casting vision for what we wanted to do for God. We really wanted to help desperate and hurting youth. We had started being inner room pastors, to help out local churches. We, just wanted to serve. Scott was all about relationships. The more we could make relationships with the local communities the more opportunities we would have to share the gospel with them.

Our family life was the "All American Dream". Really we had everything. We would call each other several times a day, just to say we wanted to hear one another's voice. Anytime Scott would leave he wanted to make sure I was the last one that he would kiss. Even if one of the kids would run outside for another kiss, he would come back inside to kiss me last. He wanted the kids to know that mommy was number one. It was the small things that we did that made the most impact in our marriage. He would always show me his love in front of people. Even if it embarrassed me. He loved to call me his Hottie Momma. He was always complimenting me. The kids and I would go to his word to see him on a regular basis. We would bring him lunch or something sweet. It was short and simple things that we did to show each other we loved one another. During our fights we would always try to attack the problem not each other. That was not always possible, but we tried. Our marriage life was not always easy and glamorous. We did have our spats and frustrations. However, it is how we handled those fights that made us stronger. Over the years our love grew stronger and stronger. Every night before bed Scott would tell me how beautiful I was and how blessed he was to have me. I would always tell him he was the man of my dreams. I know with out a shadow of a doubt that our love was real and strong. We fought for our love!!!

On Friday Sept 5th I was the cool wife. I bought my husband a motorcycle and all of his gear. I showed up in his classroom with all of his gear. He was soooo excited! (He was getting the motorcycle regardless of who bought it for him) That Sunday, we found out that his sister's husband had cancer. It was not a curable type of cancer. That Friday Sept. 12, 2008, Scott came home ready to ride his bike for the first time. He was begging me to let him go ride it. He told me it was only going to be 20 minutes and that he would be right back. I told him his 20 minutes are like 2 hours. He kissed me good bye. Little did I know that was the last kiss that I would get from him. He died 10 mins after that. He hit a car head on. We are not sure what happened. It looked as though he might have had a front tire blow out. That is an answer that I will never have. The kids and I showed up on the scene. I was told what had happened. Instantly, I got the kids out of the car and sat on the side of the road and prayed. I prayed for wisdom and guidance. I then told my kids that Daddy got to go home to be with Jesus. His work here on earth was done. He had told everyone that he was suppose to tell, about Jesus. I then explained to them that we had to finish the work that daddy started. We needed to tell as many people about Jesus and what he has done for us. And once we told everyone that we were suppose to tell, we would get to go be with daddy. And until that day we ARE GOING TO FIGHT for what Jesus did for us and who your daddy was. I felt lead to speak at the funeral. I wanted Scott Jett to go out with a bang. And, I want you to know that he did just that!!! There were a couple of thousand people there. What a blessing and a testimony of who Scott was! I was beaming with pride for the man of my dreams. He would have been so shocked to see the impact that he had on the people that he came in contact with. They had the roads blocked and police escorts for us. AMAZING!

From that point on my life has drastically been changed.

It was 6 weeks after the accident that we found out that my little brother had cancer. It was another fight that we were going to have to fight. He then moved in with my kids and I. There were 3 surgeries that he had to have in a 2 month period. One of those being extremely serious. We found out that he had Hodgkins Lymphoma. Just after we found this news out, we received news that Joyce Meyer was going to come and do a show on my story. That was an amazing experience. I felt like God was giving me a purpose for Scott's death. I felt like his death was being used for God's glory. It empowered me to go on, knowing that God was using this to further his kingdom. It was just after that when we received word that I was going to be given a car from Joyce Meyer Ministries. What a blessing!!!! Who would have thought that all of these things were going to happen to me?

It has been a very blessed road. At the same time, I am in a fight of a life time. I am trying to make sure that my children have an amazing life. I don't want them to have any reason to blame God. I want them to see the blessings that God has given us. I have made sure that their life style stay as much the same as possible. I coached their soccer games the day after the accident. The kids wanted to play for their daddy, who was their coach. So, I made it happen! We went. Not only have I stepped up to help them in their journey, so has this community. They are so well taken care of by everyone that they are going through this process in a healthy way. If I was to say one thing that helped my kids along the way, it would be having them draw as many pictures as the could. Any time they would start crying, I would allow them to cry and when they were done, I would have them draw me a picture. I would have them save those pictures in their "Daddy boxes". Their daddy boxes are for all of the things that remind them of their daddy. Those are just a few of the things that I did for them.

I am very blessed. I don't like where I am at. However, I find joy in where I am at. God never said that this life was going to be easy. He did promise us that He would never leave us nor forsake us. I had to come to grips with why I was serving God. Was I serving him for what He does for me? Or was I serving him because of what He did for me? If God never did another thing for me, was Him sending his son to earth to die on the cross for me, enough for me to serve Him? My answer... YES! No matter what, I will continue to serve my Lord with the best of my ability!!!!

Compromises

Lately has been pretty rough. I have had to watch 2 of my best friends fall from leadership within the church. All of us have seen and watched people who proclaim to be christians, fall. Because of this, so many people that are not strong in their faith, fall. Because of their eyes being on man. When their/our eyes NEED to be on God. "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength, and whose heart turns away from the Lord." Jer. 17:5 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him." Jer. 17:7
The bible talks about the very elect falling away. The very elect being the very strong christian. We ask how does that happen? Why does such an amazing, Godly man or women fall? We say they preached the word and with conviction. How? Why? "In the paths of the wicked lie thorns and snares, but he who GUARDS HIS SOUL stays far from them." Prov. 22:5 We have got to guard our walk with the Lord. "DO NOT GIVE THE DEVIL A FOOTHOLD." Eph. 4:27 The definition of a foothold is this.... a secure position from which further progression may be made. Let me give you another word.... COMPROMISE. We all think that a small compromise is no big deal. Which at that point in our walk with the Lord, it may not be. However, when we add continually to those compromises, the load at which we carry becomes extremely heavy. We carry the load of our compromises as we try to follow the Lord. We continue to think we can have the best of both worlds. We think we can walk the fence line and get away with it. "So, because you are lukewarm- neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you our of my mouth." Rev. 3:16 The fact of the matter is, that we keep adding compromises to our walk. Before we know it we are walking on our knees. Then we are laying on the ground and we can't get up. All of a sudden we realize that we have lost our salvation. The sad part, we have no idea at what point we lost it. We don't know when, we stopped relying on the Lord and relied on ourselves.
Here is another revelation for you.... We are no better than the elect that are falling away from the Lord. They are no better than we are. We are all on the same playing ground. The only difference, is the compromises that we guard or allow into our lives. For the one that guards his relationship with the Lord will have eternal life. And the one that doesn't live a repentant life, will not inherit the kingdom of God. The next question is how do we respond to the one that has fallen? Regardless of how extreme the sin might be. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. 4 If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, "I repent, FORGIVE HIM." Luke 17:3-4 So the answer is FORGIVE and treat them with kindness and love and respect. "Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline." Rev. 3:19 In this scripture it says I, meaning God. It doesn't say YOU! God's punishment and discipline is far greater and more effective than what we could ever do. When we put YOU in place of I, IT WILL DAMAGE THE PERSON! I don't want to get to heaven and have God tell me... If you would have left well enough alone, and treated them with kindness and love, "THEY" would have made it to heaven. Our lashing out at people who sin and repent, is because we have feelings that have been hurt. And when back bitting enters, people get hurt and some loose their salvation. All because our feelings were hurt. We have to let God do is job and we need to do our job.... PRAY!!!! Anger, back bitting and malicious talk, only get in the way of what God is trying to do. He is trying to make sure that each one of us ENTER THE KINGDOM!!!! Let him do the work and we need to stop trying to be god. We are human hands. When someone looses their salvation it can only be fixed by God's hands. Our prayers, love and kindness is what will help. I hope I have made since and helped all of you (I am talking to myself too) along this journey called life... Our christian life!!!!

A friend asked me to talk about Marriage and Family life.

One of the things that I have had to deal with is; God never said this life was going to be easy. He did promise us that he would never leave us or forsake us. The pace of our lives are so out of control. We are juggling so many aspects to our marriages and families.
Sports
Music Lessons
Homework
Laundry
Dishes
Sweeping/mopping/dusting
Doctors/dentist offices
Grocery shopping
One on one time with our kids
church
When we look at all of these things that we do on a daily basis (and so many more); we tend to forget and over look our time with our spouse. We so often give our kids priority over our lives that we neglect our spouse. We wonder why conversation is low. We don't understand why we don't have a sexual desire anymore. Let me let you in on a little secret.... You/we have neglected to spend quality one on one with our spouse. We have lost sight of the relationship that needs the most care. We have viewed our kids as the "needy" ones. When we need to change our focus. It needs to be on our MARRIAGES!!! It is the relationship that takes the most work, yet is the most rewarding. We take care of our kids way before we take care of our man. Yet, our kids are not going to see a health marriage being first. They are going to see a healthy marriage when they know that mommy and daddy are willing to put each other above them. It is going to take effort on your part. I believe that we should be a servant to our spouse. I didn't say a slave. A servant is someone who chooses to serve. I believe that love is a choice not a feeling. In the same manor servanthood is a choice. When we become a servant we take care of the one we are serving. This aspect goes for both men and women.
Going on about all of the things we need to do in a day, I purposely left out the most important thing. Our walk with the Lord HAS GOT TO BE NUMBER ONE!!!!!! We have got to make sure that we are spending time with Him. God has to be priority above all else. When He is first, all else will fall into place. He will give us the strength and patience that we need to get through every day.
Just thinking about all of the pressure we have just in a day, is overwhelming. Yet we do it day in and day out. It becomes routine and we don't think about it. I am saying that we need to think about what we are doing everyday. Making sure that our relationship with the Lord is taken care of, and that our spouse's needs are met. Let me a sure you that our children will not be neglected by putting God or our spouse ahead of them. They will benefit and profit from those relationships!!!
One story.... Before my husband died this is what he did everyday. Any time he would leave the kids and I, he would kiss everyone and I was ALWAYS last. That meant if he was out to the car and a kid ran to get another kiss, he got out and came back inside to kiss me last. That may sound silly. But my kids knew that mommy was first in daddy's life. They remember him doing that to this day. It made an impression on them!!! They saw the security in our relationship.
Here is another one.... Anytime Scott would go into a gas station he would always bring me out my favorite chocolate candy. The kids were not allowed to have any of it. It was just for me from him. To this day if my kids go into a gas station, they bring me my favorite chocolate candy, that no one can have but me. The watched their dad put me first! It taught them how to be a gentlemen in the process.
Those things are now PRICELESS!!! You have to take care of what the Lord has given you!!! It is up to you to have the best marriage and family you can. You are in control of that. The Lord will bless you for those choices.

O what I wouldn't do to have this all again. I hope you cherish what you have!!!!

Just talking/typing what I feel/think :)

Through the last year and a half, being as open and honest as I can has helped me. I have nothing to hide, so why not put it all out there. Life is full of adventure with 5 kids. I am dealing with a lot with each of them individually. Each one has their own set of issues. Some more challenging than others. I just try to prioritize their needs. Yet, take time for each of them. This hands down was the longest winter of my life. It was extremely depressing. I am glad that Spring is here. I love the sun shining and everything turning green. When I look at God's creation, I can't help but smile. Soccer has started for the kids. I am excited for the games to start. I love to watch each of them have a good time on the field. Each one of them put a big smile on my face. They have their moments of putting that occasional frown on my face as well. LOL We are hanging in there. I am ready to move out of this stage of my life. But, it is all still in God's timing not mine. I wish God would just send me a glimpse into my future. I would love to see what is a head. Well maybe haha I might be more scared if I knew. I am not sure where or what God is doing in and through my life. I want to be used by Him. I want people to see that my God is amazing in and through me. There are days that I would love to speak and others I think NO WAY, because of fear. In my walk with God there are days that I don't feel Him. There are days I totally see His hand on me and my family. I wish I could say when serving God, you will be a steady stream. But, it is not true. Every day is a challenge and a fight to overcome the obstacles of life. We fight not for what is here on earth, but that which is waiting for us in heaven. I am excited to get there one day!!!!

Cherishing your spouse!!!!!!

This subject is really on my heart.....

So often when we are married, we take for granted what we have. As women we want to change our spouse. We say to make them better. I say it is because we want to make them what we want them to be not what God wants them to be. We tell them how things need to be done (our way). We look at their actions and judge there motives. Yet, we don't take the time to ask them their reasoning. We make all of the time during the day for our children and forget the NEEDS of our spouse. We claim that we are to tired. I am not talking all about sex. I am also talking about making sure that they are taken care of. We forget that when they go to work they are taking care of us. They come home and we want to immediately give them the kids so we can run. Forgetting that they have had a very long day at their job. Then we get mad/frustrated with them because they are not responding to our commands like we think they should. WOW! I know I had moments of all of these.

I think we have gotten things somewhat wrong. I believe that we have become a very selfish nation in our marriages. We want things to go our way and we want to be the one right. And to prove why we are right. We want to change the bad and the ugly in our spouse. Forgetting God created them. We loved them. We knew what we were getting into (most of us anyway). We have made the choice to look at the flaws of our spouse instead of looking past the things/characteristics that we don't like. Marriage shouldn't be all about us. We have to change the way we are looking at it. I believe that submission is a huge issue. We view submission as a negative thing. Saying we are not going to be controlled by our spouse. I don't believe that is what submission is. Do we or are we controlled by God. No He gives us the choice in our actions. I think that submission to our spouse is what God wants. Meaning...... Lisa Bevere says submission is under the same mission, 2 people working together for one cause! Just as we submit to God we need to submit to our husbands in the same way. I also think that we need to start taking our eyes off of our needs and looking to our spouses needs. There is something that happens when you look at the needs of someone else. All of a sudden your needs don't seem to carry as much weight in your eyes. I believe God will honor a spouse that becomes a servant to their spouse over one who makes their needs above all. I am not saying to be a slave to your spouse. Just start doing things for them out of the kindness and love of your heart.

I know some might say that is easier said than done. Right! Some might say but my husband is not meeting any of my needs. I completely understand. I still will stick to my guns on this one. Become a servant to your spouse regardless of what they are going to do to you. Love them with the same love that Christ has for you. A love that doesn't hold a grudge or have limits. Tell them how much they mean to you. A man LOVES his ego stroked. Build him up with your words. Give him a note and hide it where he will get it later in the day. Greet him with an amazing hug and kiss when he gets home. LOVE HIM!!!!! You made a covenant before God!!!! Take care of that covenant!!

You might ask why am I writing this? Because I MISS BEING ABLE TO SHARE MY LOVE!!!! You will not understand my longing for this. Yet, if you were to loose them, you would regret not putting them 2nd to God in your life. I am very thankful that I have no regrets in my marriage. But, Scott and I both worked very hard to make sure our love NEVER faded. That doesn't mean that we didn't fight or have struggles. It just means that we never let the sun go down while we were angry. Marriage is a struggle. You are going to have to fight. If satan can tear your marriage apart he has not only gotten to you and your spouse but now to your kids. I believe that the marriages are under attack! It is time as the women of the house to start taking back what is being taken from us. We/You can't give up. Don't look back and regret not showing your man how special he is to you!!!!!

WOW! :)

Wow it has been a long time since I have been on here. Where am I right now in my life? I am very busy with 5 kids haha. I just signed up the 3 older kids for soccer. I just found out that I am going to be the one coaching the younger kids. I am kind of excited. Coltin is going to have a hard time not being able to play like the rest of them. I am going to have to find a way to keep him occupied. Grace just moved up in gymnastics and Christian is starting to walk. I can not believe that he is going to be 1 and Coltin is going to be 3. How time flies.

As for me..... I am hanging in there. I am seeking the Lord. I want to be in His will for my life. I don't want to waver in that area of my life. I find that it really is hard. God never said that this walk of faith was going to be an easy one. God has been telling me to trust him and not my circumstances. What I see around me, may look impossible, but God does the impossible. I live with a peace that comes from everyone praying. Thank you. I am ready to date. I am not sure I am ready to get married. LOL It is very difficult to have a mind set, of a life time commitment with someone. Then to suddenly have to change that mind set to freedom again. You would think one would like that. Me, not so much. I am not liking this stage in my life at all. I don't like trying to figure out if someone likes me or if I like them. I liked the security of my life commitment with my husband. But, in order to have that commitment I am going to have to go through this stage in my life. UGH hahha I still try to find the blessings of life. It is not hard once I take my eyes off of my situation and look at what the Lord has blessed me with. I am beginning to love life again. It has been a long road. But I am making it. I have said from the beginning I am a survivor and I will fight my way to the end.

Bum Day!

Today would have been Scott's 35th birthday. I am feeling kind of numb at the first thought. I am still extremely sad. I know that I will always miss him. I will never understand what God is doing. I wish I could see beyond the day at hand. I miss all of the crazy things that he would do. We really did have the best time together. He was so priceless to me! I thought that I had more to say, but when I started typing.... nothing :(