There is freedom for believers.

Though I am about to state that there is freedom in Christianity, there is also laziness.

In 1Corinthians 10:23-33

:23 "Everything is permissible- but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible-but not everything is constructive." NIV

:23 Looking at it on way, you could say, "Anything goes. Because of God's immense generosity and grace, we don't have to dissect and scrutinize every action to see if it will pass muster" But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well but our foremost efforts should be to help other live well. The Message

I do believe that there is freedom in our christian walk. I think that is why God gave us his grace. Romans 3:23-24 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. 24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."

Romans 6:1-2 "What shall we say then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We died to sin how can we live in it any longer."

I think that to many christians are justifying their walk under God's grace. I think it is important to state that living on the edge is not going to get you into the kingdom. Rev. 3:16 "So, because you are lukewarm neither hot nor cold I am about to spit you our of my mouth."

God doesn't want us to live on the edge of our christian walk. We would like us to "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" Heb. 12:1-2a. We need to set every hinderance aside. Not only for our own good, but for the good of others. 1 Cor. 10:32a "Do not cause anyone to stumble".

"But except for these special cases. I'm not going to walk around on eggshells worrying about what small-minded people might say. I'm going to stride free and easy, knowing what our large minded Master has already said." 1 Cor. 10:31 The Message.

I liked this version. I think as we walk out our faith we need to be aware of those around us. Not condemned by them. "Work out your salvation with fear and trembling." But, as we walk this christian life we should be like Paul in 1Cor. 10:33- 11:1 "For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that thy may be saved. Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ."

One more thing. I do not believe we are going to see God's miracles until we set aside everything that hinders us. I believe that when we start living a sacrificial Christian walk we will then see the miracles of God. We will be ready and prepared for what and when God calls us to action.

My devotion for tonight....

Habakkuk 1:1- 2:3

1:1-4 Habakkuk had been praying and not seeing or hearing God.

1:5 "Look at the Nations and watch and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."

2:3 "For the revolution awaits an appointed time, it speaks of the end, and will not prove false, though it linger, wait for it, it will certainly come and will not delay."

Habakkuk didn't understand what he was seeing around him. It didn't make sense to him. The fighting going on was extremely confusing. So he cried out to God. Pleading with him to change things. God responded with the fact he was going to do something amazing and even if I did tell you, you wouldn't believe me. Habakkuk had to have enough faith in God to wait for the coming revolution. Regardless of the outcome.

In our lives we may not understand what is going on around us. It may look confusing, crazy and not make sense to us. But we have to remind ourselves that God has a plan for each of us. And just maybe, even if he did clue us in on the plan, we wouldn't believe it. We have to remind ourselves that we are going to have to wait for him to reveal his plan. He never said this life was going to be easy. He did say he would always walk with us and never ever leave us!!! Now that is something to be thankful for.

I was preaching to myself in the car...

Is our relationship with the Lord strong enough to with stand tragedy? I have had to come to grips with my relationship. I don't know the answers to the whys and how comes, or even the what. But I do know that God is still God. He is still faithful and amazing. It is time that we take a look at our relationship with the Lord. Are we serving God because of what he does or is doing for us? Or are we serving God because of what he did? He sent his son to die on the cross. A brutal death! We as christians have offered God to people in a way that is all good. It is all about what he is going to do for us if we believe. We tend to present the cross, and jump over it as well. And we are wondering why people are leaving and turning their back on God when tragedy or difficult times strike. I believe it is because we are serving God for what he is doing for our current state. Not for what he has done. We are making christianity about our comfort and not about his kingdom. We forget that God has a plan that is bigger than what we can see. He loves us and is there for us to lean on. We have to trust in him and know that we know HE IS IN CONTROL. Are we truly surrendering to God everything in our lives? Are we prepared to surrender it all in the midst of our trials? One day we will hear "Well done my good and faithful servant" or " depart from me for I never knew you"! I do believe it is about the relationship that gets us to heaven. Are we doing all of the talking and no listening? Are we prepared to hear what he is saying to us? It is time that we look at our relationship with the Lord!!!

Jan. 3 1998 The day I would do it all again, knowing what I know now!

This last month has been a little rough. And now I am coming up on my anniversary Jan. 3. It would have been 12 years. I made it through last year okay. I think I was still in shock. This year, however it is all to real. I am missing so many aspects to marriage. I miss him telling me about his love. I miss the small skin to skin touch. Or, even the talking on the phone while he was a work. He would call just to hear my voice. I loved it. He was my world. I feel a small part of resentment to myself. I feel like I took for granted what I had. I knew I had it good. I just didn't know how AMAZING until he was gone. I look at everyone of the marriages falling around me, and think man SCOTT JETT WAS the greatest husband/father. We did cherish each other. I miss telling him he was the man of my dreams. Every time he acted shocked. It didn't matter that I told him almost every night. He loved to hear it. I also loved to hear how sexy he thought I was. I had the greatest husband in the world!!! No one can convince me differently. I also have completely different odd feelings. I miss Scott Jett like CRAZY!!! I was committed to him till the end. The end being our entire lives. Not just 11 years. I was in it for the long haul. He treated me amazing. I was his princess that he couldn't get enough of. Now a little over a year later.... I am thinking about dating. No, I am thinking about the man of my dreams at 31. I want to find him. So here I am thinking about the possibility of another man in my life and yet I know I will never get over the greatest man I have ever known. Talk about mess with your head. These thoughts will, I a sure you. I am looking at it like this... When you have your first baby you are so in love, and you don't think that you can ever love another child like that the same. But then, you have your second (in my case third, forth, and fifth) and you love them just the same. If I was to loose on of my children I would always mourn their loss and remember them. I feel the same about another man entering into my life. I am hoping and praying that the Lord will send the man of my dreams at 31 to me. I am hoping that my theory is correct and I will love him with the same love I had for Scott and my kids. It is an unconditional love that lasts forever no matter what happens or comes our way!!!!!

Christ's Birth

As I went to bed last night a thought went through my head. Here it goes.....

I was thinking about the birth of Jesus. I was wondering about questions that I knew the answer to. But, I asked them anyways. Did God consult Jesus about the task at hand, before he was born? Did God give Jesus the chance to say " I don't want to do this!"? I know the answer is no! However, I was thinking about his life. I believe that Jesus questioned God and his plans. We also see that he still stayed faithful. He took his life and made it a servanthood. He made a mark everywhere that he went. Where am I going with all of this? I found all of this somewhat comforting to think about. We don't have the choice whether or not we are born into this world. But God does give us the question "Do you want to do this?". We don't get consulted about the task at hand. We do get asked "Do you trust me with the plans that I have for you?". We do have the choice to trust and follow or to deny and run. Are we willing, no matter what comes our way to stay faithful? I don't believe that Jesus' life was a cake walk. Why is it that we think this life should or would be any different?

I know this sounds crazy. I am okay with that hahaha. But, for some reason knowing that God had a perfect plan for Jesus is comforting. God tells us the same thing. "For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 I have always stopped at that verse but, if you go to the next verse it sums it up. "THEN you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all you heart. I will be found" Jer. 29:12-14a. When we trust and follow, that is when we will find the Lord. He never said this life/task would be easy. He did say that He would never leave us nor forsake us.

Food for thought. Merry Christmas!!!!

Loneliness

It has been 16 mos. since the accident. I have managed to make it this far with the Lord right by my side. We are about to round the next corner of Christmas and the New Year. I thought that once again, I could make it through the Holidays with a breeze. Stupid Me!!! I am going to Christmas Parties and doing all of the "festivities" of the season. I hear stories of previous Christmas' and memories of those around me. I try not to make it known that I am broken inside, so I keep going on like nothing is wrong. Yet, inside I am extremely lonely inside.

I am at a very difficult time in my life. I am striving to make my children's lives as normal as possible. I am making the best of every moment. I long for the Lord to be right with me in all that I said and do. Yet, there is still a longing for someone to share it all with me. I want someone to cherish me and to love me and all that I have to offer. I long for a simple hug. The skin to skin touch. I would love to hear how amazing I am and how much they love me and all of my faults. To lay in bed and talk for hours. Or to call each other JUST to hear the sound of ones voice. I long for the day that I can have all of this again. I want to tell him how amazing he is to me. I want to cherish even more the small things in a relationship. Like... holding hands in the car ( like we were dating), or watching a movie together, maybe even taking a walk on the wild side. Meaning doing something that gets you out of your box. I don't know what that looks like, but I want to find that. I miss the I love you's and the cuddly moments.

Now, I have 5 kids. I will not trade them for anything in the world. However, I have made myself realize that, that is going to be a very large obstacle for someone to overcome. I don't know how long I will be in this area of my life. I am going to have to figure out how to deal with my feelings. I am not and will not compromise my values and who I am and who I want to become. At least I hope that I do not do that. I hope and pray that this time in my life goes by fast.

God told me that Scott was the man of my dreams at 19, but the man of my dreams at 31 was going to be much different. My needs at 19 and my needs now at 31 are much different. I can only hope that the man of my dreams is right around the corner.

Yet, with all of that said. I don't want to lose my ground that I have made with the Lord, for another man. If that makes since. I feel much better getting these feelings out and typed out. Thank you for following me and please continue to pray for me and my children.

Just when you let your guard down...

You know for the most part, I am doing very well. I am thriving at life. I do love my life as I have it now. I wish things were different but I can't change that. So I look at what I do have. Man, I am a blessed girl. I look at my kids and the way they act and how they respond to issues in life and I beam with pride. Just like me they have their issues that they are having to work through, but for the most part they are doing amazing. I try to keep all of my thoughts under control. I don't want to go places that I know I can't change. Like, thinking about the whys and how comes. They don't do my any good. I try not to let myself go to sad places. Such as, thinking about if he was here what would I/we be doing. I know it will never be and that would be torture. But there are times like tonight, when some stupid feeling hit me and I want to collapse.

Our church had a progressive dinner. They had vans that drove all of the women. I had to drive because of Christian. He was at the church and he doesn't do well in the nursery. I wanted to be able to leave if I needed to. So anyways... I got to the first house and was all ready to go. I had a happy face on and felt good. Then all of the women got there, and the feelings of being all alone hit me. I am not sure how come or why. I just know that it stunned me. I felt overwhelmed and like I had no one there for me. I know with all of my heart that every single one of those women love me. But all night I couldn't shake that feeling. I just wanted to crawl in a corner and never come out. I had several women come up to me and tell me that they pray for me and my family. I know that they love me. But for some reason I was lost and all alone in a crowd of 50 women. Crazy!!!!!!!

I am not sure where I am going with this. But we all feel alone and lost at times. It is how we respond that makes us overcome the feelings. I did leave early. But I knew that I needed to. Putting myself in that position was not going to help me. It was getting worse. So I left. But I instantly start telling myself that God is on my side and loves me. I have to take my thoughts under control and move on. I am not feeling down right now. Typing all of this is getting it all out. I am not sure where God is taking me. I am sure that he has a perfect plan for me. I am allowing him to lead me and guide me. That is not so easy at times, but I am up for the task. I want to forever be used by him. So I will pick my head up and do my best to rise to what is before me. I don't like it! But I WILL MAKE IT!!!

Thank you for all of your prayers and for letting me vent about my evening.