God is faithful...

Jesus Culture Your love never fails.... 

Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/jesus-culture-your-love-never-fails-lyrics.html ]
And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone here in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails

Bridge:
You make all things work together for my good

I went for a run today and had tears come to my eyes as I listened to this song.  There was a day when "I never thought I would reach the other side".  I thought "the chasm was far to wide".  Every day seemed like an eternity.   I couldn't understand why God would allow something like this into my life, or my kids lives.  
It was those very moments that I would have to realize that God's love NEVER FAILS!  He stays the same through every trial and triumph.  Our circumstances DO NOT determine the measure of Gods love for us.  His love never fails and NEVER changes!!!!! No matter what we go through, no matter how deep the water feels, or how alone we feel... HE IS ALWAYS RIGHT THERE WITH US!!!!!

Which leads me to another Jesus Culture song.... Where you go I go


Chorus
where you go I go
what you say I say, God
where you pray I pray
where you pray I pray
(repeat)

Verse
Jesus only did
what he saw you do
he would only say
what he heard you speak

he would only move
when he felt you lead
following your heart
following your spirit

how could I expect
to walk without you
when every move that Jesus made
was in surrender

I would not begin
to live without you
for you alone are worthy
and you are always good

We have to come to realize that no matter what we go through, we have to be like Jesus.  "Every move that Jesus made was in SURRENDER"  We HAVE to surrender not only when things are good, but when things are horrible!  It is in those times that God shows up in a mighty way in and through our lives.  Just like in the song if we are going to expect to walk with God we have to expect a heart fully surrendered to God.  No matter where he asks us to go or what he asks us to do.  
I have now reached the other side of the chasm, so to speak.  I am now blending a family and on the move again.  Not sure where or what God has in store, yet fully confident in a God who's love NEVER FAILS and promises to lead us!  
It was 2 weeks after Scott died that I told God he shattered my dreams! His response... My plans far exceed your dreams!  
Where is God calling you?  What is He asking you to do? How are you having to trust God? 
I am right there with you!  He is calling me to a change I am not sure I want, yet I am confident that His plans will be far better than my wants!!! 
My hearts desires are...

Where you go I go
What you say I say, God
Where you pray I pray
Where you pray I pray

I want to be right in the middle of where God wants me.  It is the safest place to be.  Just like Jesus we have to be in surrender even if it looks scary!!!  I am not sure who this is for.  I just know that I was suppose to blog about this!  It is my heart and my desires.  These songs mean the world to me! Because they hit home!!!

Four Years Ago....

WOW! 4 years ago my life changed!  I can not believe it has been 4 years already.  There is not a day that goes by that the kids and I don't think or talk about Scott.  We are still striving to keep his memory alive, whether it is through my discipline or through their (the kids) interests.  People are right about the stages of grief.  The stages get father apart, and easier, yet they will always be hard (oxymoron I know).  It doesn't matter how good your life is, you still think and relive the day your life changed forever.  The pain is easier to cope with, yet still there.  The memories slowly fade, though you never forget.  They are out shadowed by the new memories being made.  Which in your mind becomes bittersweet.  There is a part of you that feels guilty and the logical part of you that says; it's all part of "it".

The kids are doing amazing.  They are at a time in life where they are searching for the interests of Scott.  They LOVE collecting knives.  Scott had so many eclectic knives.  We are kind of the crazy family with tons of pocket knives :)  And they are wanting more :)  Caiden is so into hunting! Obsessed with hunting!  He is following in Scott's footsteps.  Connor loves the horses, though not much time for them.  He feels very close to that side of Scott's life.  Grace loves to talk about her dad.  She remembers her dad asking her "who's girl" she was.  She remembers how he freaked out if she said anyone else.  The farm life is also intriguing to her.  She misses it dearly.  Coltin is still Scott Jett on steroids :)  So many interests and so much talent to follow.  He just got saved, and is for sure following in Scott's footsteps.  Christian is full of life and soaking up everything about Scott around him.  He may never have got to meet his daddy, but he is hearing daily about him through the kids.  He frequently talks about how Scott died.  That is extremely hard to hear, yet in some ways healing for  a 3 year old.

I am doing really good.  God is faithful!  My marriage is going good.  I am thankful for all that God has provided.  I watch my kids have an earthly father that meets their every need.  We talk often about our situation.  Paul isn't here to take the place of Scott.  He is here as an added bonus!  And that he is.  As a widow, he probably often gets shafted.  I compare him to Scott without even thinking of it.  I want him to do and treat me the way Scott did.  That isn't fair to him or me.  He is his own person with his own ways of doing things.  That is hard at times.  My life is about accepting change.  For someone that likes to control things, I am having to learn to step back.  Check back with me in a few months to see how I am really doing LOL :) Starting over is hard to do.  It is about learning someone else.  Learning to do life a totally different way.  Marriage is all about refining us even more into the image of Christ.  All the while laughing and crying along the way.  It is what I call "life" :)

I have walked through this whole experience with openness, in hopes to help or touch even one person.  To let the love of Jesus shine brighter than life!  Thank you for being there and praying for all of us! We are really truly blessed!!!!!

"You can't fake the funk of a nasty dunk.  So why do you think you can fake the fire of a Godly desire."  Scott Jett

I challenge all of us to truly find the fire of God and live it!  I want to see God do amazing things in and through our generation as well as our kids!

GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!!!!!

For the last four years I have seen God's hand upon all of us.  I have watched Him provide in so many ways, emotionally, and spiritually.  And for that I am forever grateful.  
Story #1 
God lead me to move churches.  I was scared to leave my comfort zone.  Upon starting a new church, Connor was entering the youth group, a large group at that.  All to find out that he will be under a youth pastor that worked with Scott.  Scott actually told me before he died, he wanted to go work under this great man (Jamie Bell).  I didn't know him and surely wasn't going to leave my comfort.  However, God knew I would need that conversation with Scott, to reassure me that I was in the right place.  Then to top it off... 
Scott had counseled a young man, after losing his brother.  At James River they have "small groups" or life groups.  Connor was put into a group.  All to find out, that young man was now a MAN and CONNORS LEADER! This story brought me to tears! Happy Tears!!  Knowing God had us right where we were suppose to be.

Story #2 of many HAPPENED TONIGHT!!!
At the beginning of last school year my kids were really begging me to homeschool.  Long story short, I told Caiden I was not going to do it.  If God had that for us, HE (Caiden) was going to have to pray that God would change my heart.   By the end of the year last year, while in bed.... GOD CALLED ME TO HOMESCHOOL my kids.  Are you kidding me?!!!! So I thought to myself... God has missed his calling to someone else and hit me.  Nope! He was calling ME!! I thought again, I must be glutton for punishment.  However, I have obviously obeyed.  We are homeschooling! AND LOVING IT!!! Hello MIRACLE!!!
Because we homeschool, my boys are able to play football on a homeschool league.  A really good team :)  I have questioned whether or not I was doing the right thing, because it is very expensive. I have watched my boys beam with happiness.  Especially Connor.  Everything Caiden does turns to gold.  He is a very gifted boy.  Connor has to work for it.  I tell them God has made them both differently and is teaching them both character qualities they are going to need later in life (another blog LOL).  SO... Tonight... GET READY TO CRY (I have) :)
They had their first Pep Rally and Grace was a mini cheerleader for them.  AMAZING!!! After the night was done, I went to talk to the coach.  I wanted to tell him how good he is doing with my boys.  Just the other day they told me that they LOVE THEIR LIVES! That in and of itself made me cry, a happy cry.  I was explaining to him all that they have been through and how this is amazing! God is so faithful.  I thanked him for all that he was doing! He really is an amazing Godly Coach! Then all of a sudden he looks at me and says, "O my gosh! Your husband was Scott Jett." I said yes. He then tells me that HE KNEW SCOTT!!!!!! Are you kidding me?  THIS is NOT a COINCIDENCE it is and was ORDAINED by an AMAZING GOD that is FAITHFUL!!!!!!!! 
God cares! God showed me that HE has us RIGHT where we are suppose to be!!!!!!!  He knew I needed this bit of information to ease my fears!!!!!!!!

I am overwhelmed by the goodness of God!  The amount of love he has for us is so far beyond what we could think or imagine!! These are only a few of the amazing stories.  I am so thankful for a God that really does go before us and meet our EVERY need.  Even the needs we don't think we need, like a coach that knew their dad! It's a need I didn't know I needed! But He did!! THANK YOU GOD!!!

Our Sacrifices have to cost us something :)

2 Samuel 24:24 "I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing."

I am not sure where you are, or what you are going through.... I know that I am like David.  I have been asked to do something that is extremely hard.  Something that is costing ME!  I am having to sacrifice.  I am having to trust! I am having to believe in the end God is going to work it all out!  When we walk the Christian life, we expect it to be all white. AKA Perfect.  It is far from that.  We want everything to be in our corner, for us.  Then when it costs us something, we want to back out.  We want to say that it can't be the Lord; it's not all put together.  Forgetting that the Lord wants us to TRUST in Him!  
The reality of Christianity is, that we should be living in the black, not the white.  When we can't see where or what we are going through, WE HAVE TO TRUST in HIM!  It looks scary.  It seems overwhelming.  And it just might take our breath away and make us SACRIFICE, all for HIS glory. 
I don't know who or what God is asking you to sacrifice... But I do know, if He has asked you to do it.... He will provide! All your needs! No matter what they are.  
Malachi 1:13 "And you say, 'What a burden! and you niff at it contemptuously, says the Lord Almighty. When you bring injured, crippled or diseased animals and offer them as sacrifices, should I accept them from your hands? says the Lord."
God doesn't want a sacrifice that comes easy! He wants it to cost us something! The "sacrifice" that comes easy isn't a sacrifice at all!  
Malachi 1:14 "Cursed is the cheat who has an acceptable male in his flock and vows to give it, but then sacrifices a blemished animal to the Lord."
No God doesn't call us to sacrifice animals anymore (thank goodness).  However, He does call us to sacrifice.  
At the end of 2 Samuel 24 God blesses David for his true sacrifices that he made.  Just like God has blessed David, I know God is going to bless us for our sacrifices that we are having to make now! 
EVERYTHING GOD DOES HAS A PURPOSE! AND A PLAN! ALL FOR HIS KINGDOM!!!


That my friend is a Good God!!!!!!

Obeying, having fears, yet resting in the peace.....

Growing up I was blessed with a youth pastor that taught me how to hear the Lord's voice. Little did I know how important and vital that would be in my christian walk. Hearing the small, suttle, yet powerful and strong voice, leaves me with a peace. A peace in the midst of my fears. He reassures me that when He calls HE will go before me and prepare me for my path. It's that saying... He doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called.

I have to ask myself; why would he call me to do something that I am able to do? I don't NEED him, if I am able to do it on my own. However, if I feel inadequate and unable to perform the task at hand.... I HAVE TO LEAN ON HIM! I NEED Him to help me through the entire way. It is through these times that in the end God gets the glory.

About a month ago, I was laying in bed and low and behold God spoke to me CLEAR AS DAY! He said he wanted me to homeschool all of my kids next year. I spoke this to Paul, thinking he was going to tell me I was crazy. All to find out that he was on board. (I am so thankful for an amazing husband) For those of you that know me... My desire has never been to homeschool. I almost had all of my kids at school. I was almost a free women :) Not to mention I am very insecure at teaching. I know I have a lot to learn and get ready for. However, I do know GOD IS ON MY SIDE. I am resting in a peace knowing that if I did not homeschool, I would being disobeying the Lord. And when our children disobey we give them consequences. So, I know I would have consequences if I didn't do this. I don't know how long I will homeschool. I will keep going until the Lord tells me to stop.

I am to the point now that I am getting excited. Crazy I know! I have already started some schooling with the young boys. They are liking it and doing well. Please don't bust my naive little bubble of excitement hahahhaa

With all of this said, I am so grateful that the Lord speaks to me. I am grateful that he leads, guides and protects me through this life's journey. I can only hope and pray that I am raising up world changers for the kingdom of God, and that Scott Jett would be proud! Making decisions for our kids without him is not easy. However, I am resting in that small, suttle, yet powerful strong voice of the Lord. And there is a peace that passes all understanding in this place!!!!

Thank you for your continued prayers! They mean a lot!!!!!

It was a new Revelation of Healing taking place.....

Last week I had a revelation. The Lord really spoke to me and showed me just how he was healing me and my heart. I woke up, and was headed to Springfield when the revelation took place.

Ever since Scott died, I have despised the song "It is well with my soul". It really made me angry. I have always thought that it was crazy that we sing about it being well with our souls. When really if we thought about what we were saying, would it really be well with our souls? I said NO! Looking back, it was my hurt coming out.

Then my next thought was... Would I go back and undo what has taken place in my life? I sat and began to think about that. I thought about all of the things that God has done in and through my life, Scott's life and the kids lives. Looking back I can see how God has created a different person. He has continued to mold me into HIS image. Before Scott died, I thought I was a weak person. Crazy I know, but true. Scott was my rock. Through all of this I see that I am stronger than I thought. I have watched God give me strength when I thought I had none. He showed me how to put my eyes on him and not on my situation. Every time I would look at my circumstances, it was like he gently would put his hand under my chin and turned my head back to him. He took my eyes off of me and made them kingdom focused. I have watched him prompt me to what is next with my children. I have also seen how he has helped me to be more confident when I hear his voice. God has shown me I can trust him no matter what comes my way.

I have watched how God is molding my kids, especially my older ones. He is making them leaders. He is showering them with all of the love and support they need. I keep praying and trusting that God has all of them in the palm of his hand.

I have seen God's hand upon my life, like I have never seen before! I have seen him provide EVERYTHING that I have ever wanted or needed. (AN AMAZING MAN OF GOD)

So the answer to my question.... Would I go back and undo what I have experienced? No, I wouldn't. I am blessed beyond measure! I will one day get to see Scott again. Knowing that makes it all seem okay for me! So, I guess :) I can say IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL!!!!!!!!!! That is healing in my soul!!! Thank you Jesus!!!! That doesn't mean that I like what has taken place. I just wouldn't go back. It has to be all about Jesus!!!!

Thank you God for your grace, mercy and hand of protection upon my kids and I!!!!

There are still days of mourning....

So many cool things going on in my life. Right now the kids are all adjusting to a blended family. We have our ups and downs, but for the most part the kids are loving each other. They are learning, the so called "pecking order". For some that is not fun. Others are having to much fun. So we are having to control that. When they are apart they want to be with each other... which I love. A blended family is WORK!!! It's a CHALLENGE!!! And I am WILLING TO TAKE IT ON!!!!! I love a house full of kids. (I will write more about the challenges of the blended family soon)

When Paul and I got married we quickly saw that we needed more space. So we have made the choice to add on to our home. We are adding a 3 car garage and adding another living room with a HUGE laundry room. I am soooooo excited to have everyone's clothes in the laundry room. It will be a community closet. I will be able to control the flow of clothes. Meaning, I don't have to fold clothes to have the kids throw them on the floor looking for something else. Mom's you totally get what I am saying. :) It is going to eliminate a lot of chaos out of my world. Super excited!!!!!!!

On Friday and Saturday, Paul and I had to clean out our existing garage and take everything to our new garage. That in itself was very overwhelming. So much stuff!!!!!! Yet, so very exciting because we were seeing progress! Progress for my new laundry room!!!! But, did I mention that all of the stuff was Scott Jetts? He was a total pack rat. He saved everything!!! My amazing husband started the project with his dad. They started trying to organize the best that they knew how. When I got home for the day, I dove into something that I knew was going to be a challenge, both physically and emotionally. Any time I go through Scott's things, it still brings up the past.

Just as I had thought, as I was digging through the "stuff" (books, old papers, clothes, all of his many hobbies) all of the emotions began to rush over me. I always think that I can control and overcome. However, I know deep down, that isn't possible. As I began to move things and go through things, I tried to hide my feelings. For those of you that know me, know I CAN'T hide my feelings long. There is a part of me that feels guilty for "feeling" what I feel. It messes with my head. I am married to one of the most amazing men I have ever known, and I was married to one of the most amazing men I had ever known. Put those two feelings together and you get mixed emotions all over the place. I didn't want Paul to feel insecure and I didn't want him to feel less. Therefore, I tried to hide my feelings.

As I began to get a little testy, I spilled it.... "My emotions are all over the place. I am excited to be building on. Yet, going through all of Scott's things brings back all of the feelings of loss. The feelings of what I lost. The amazing man in my life. And then I stand back and look at you (Paul) and see how blessed I am because of you." I began to cry. I cry as I type this. Paul, dropped all he was doing and held me as I cried in his arms. I explain it like this....

When you have your first baby, you don't think you will be able to love like that again. How could that be possible, is what we think. Until, we have that next baby. Holding them, we notice that we have that same depth of love for a completely different child. We don't love one more than the other. It's the same love, just for more of them now :) That is how I describe my love for Scott and Paul. It is the same depth of love. Yet, it is for a very different person. Losing Scott will always impact me. I will always miss him. Just as if I would have lost a child. You don't stop missing them because you have another child. Same for me with my spouses.

I am so grateful for Paul. I am grateful for his confidence in me and our love, that he will allow me to mourn when I need to. He will hold me and not judge our love in return. Most men would feel an insecurity toward the relationship. Instead, Paul knowing Scott, allows, walks and mourns with me and my kids. I am so grateful that God has blessed us with a strong, loving, compassionate, sympathetic, and caring man of God... PAUL PRESLEY!!!!!! Thank you!!!!!!! I couldn't do what I do without his support!!! I AM BLESSED!!!!!!